The Strength to Share

This post is kind of about me, personally, and my writing journey. In particular, something I struggle with, and often stands between me and growing as a writer, I think. As I just announced the winner of a first-chapter-plus-query-letter critique over on Write On!, it got me thinking about critiques in general, and how I am -- wait for it -- afraid to share my work.

Not afraid to be critiqued, mind you. Official critiques, I'm okay with. I've been toughening my skin for years, thanks to some really important people in my writing life. While it'd be lying to say that it doesn't hurt anymore for me to hear that my character is unlikeable or my story is plotless -- I've had my fair share of pouting and discouragement, for sure! -- I will say that I've come a very long way. The prospect of having my work torn to shreds doesn't really daunt me.

Or does it?

Because here I am, facing this problem: I don't share my work. Can't. Won't. If you ask me: "Oooh, when will you be done? Can I be first to read it!?" I'll probably hem and haw some noncommittal answer, and you'll probably never see a paragraph.

I do realize this is a problem. And I've given it lots of thought.


Why don't I want to? 


Why is it so hard?

While digging around in my thoughts and actions, I've come up with this answer: It's not that I'm afraid of critique, necessarily, but rather, I'm afraid of a label. In particular, a "this is the best she can do" label. A sort of rejection, if you will. I don't want you to look at my work, today, and judge that as the best I can do. Because, whether it actually is or isn't, for whatever reason, I'm anxious to prove to you that it's NOT. That I will do better next time. Can do better. Simply must do better.

So just wait 'till next time, I say. Wait until the next novel. It will be good enough for you to read, then.

Of course, it never is. No sooner am I done with the next novel, I'm also in a hurry to bury it in a drawer somewhere and guard it, so not a word escapes.

This is my predicament, and it bothers me. I want to have a tough skin, in the sense that I can finish a manuscript and simply let a friend read it-- no big deal, right? I want to be able to let anyone read my work, faults or no, and trust that they'll understand I'm a learning, growing writer. We all are, after all. J.K. Rowling is still learning. Suzanne Collins is still learning. I sincerely hope that Stephenie Meyer is learning-- a lot. *cough* (Couldn't resist.)

Which brings me to the part where I implore for your advice and thoughts. What do you suggest I should do to kick myself out of this stuck place? Should I just send people my work without a second though, and be vulnerable? Let me know in the comments. We have tea, hot chocolate and big squooshy chairs down there. You should stay a while.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Best part of today: The cool morning!
Currently craving: A coffee-based drink.
Music pick: "Love" by Im Jae Bum
I'm reading: "Chocolat" by Joanne Harris
WIP: Drafting Survival (16,068 words)

Back in the swing of things

Ohhh my. I haven't blogged in so long. But it's okay, because here I am today, ready to share some stuff that's been going on in my reading/writing life and to ask about you and yours.

So. Here goes.

I'm writing again! Or I should say, drafting again. After trying and trying to get on the ball with Aqueous revisions, I just wasn't feeling it. You may or may not understand or work like this, but sometimes there are Other Stories just pressing on your mind, and no matter how hard you try to finish one thing, it's not where your heart is, so you might as well save yourself the time and energy and just GO WITH IT.

It was one of those situations. Aqueous is wonderful and I'll polish it one day, but that day is not today. And the story responsible for my distraction is -- surprisingly -- a YA adventure survival story. For someone who writes mostly fantasy/sci-fi, this is an unusual direction to go in, but I'm actually doing happy dances of excitement over it. (I guess that's kinda obvious since it distracted me from Aqueous.)

Yay for writing!

The other thing I wanted to talk about is the book I'm reading. "Chocolat" by Joanne Harris. Any of you seen the Johnny-Depp-starring movie that's so mouth-watering you should never watch it without a box of truffles in hand? Well, I didn't realize 'till a couple days ago, while perusing the library, that the movie is actually based off of a novel. And I was horrified, because I watched the movie first without even knowing. Some writer I am!

Anyway. I've really been enjoying it! So far it's proven to be just as sumptuous as the movie. I would recommend it if you want a delicious, satisfying read. (Of course, that may change when I finish it. I might really hate the ending. Who knows?)

So! This is the part where you tell me what you've been up to. What are you working on? What are you reading? How's your summer (or, er, winter...) going? And what are some ways I could motivate myself to blog more often? 'Cause it's just not happening.

Have marvelous Mondays, everyone!

Best part of today: The hot chocolate I'm about to make. (Ha!)
Currently craving: Chocolate, chocolate chocolate.
Music pick: "What's New" by Marian McPartland
I'm reading: "Chocolat" by Joanne Harris
WIP: drafting Survival (9,109 words)

Kinda been forever...

Wow. I've really, really dropped the ball on blogging lately. My excuse is life-- it happens, and it gets busy, right when you don't need it to. And, of course, there's laziness, too. That tends to get in the way more often than I'd like.

Since I don't have much to blog about, and it's been a while since we've talked, anyway, I'll just fire a bunch of questions at you!

How are you? What's new in your life? What have you been up to? Any new, awesome posts on your blog that I haven't yet read/commented on?

Share away!

Hopefully I'll have something more interesting for you guys soon.

Joyful

Note: I wrote this post on Monday. Forgot to ... er, post it. Time for a journey into the past! (Though the emotions are still very present.)

First thing I'd like to say is that this is going to be a pretty personal post, but it's something I feel I should share with you all since I've talked about it a little before. Yes, if you haven't guessed already, it's about dance. 

In case you don't already know (and I'm sorry for repeating myself if you do!), I got the OK from my spine Dr. back in January to dance again. This is a really, really big deal to me after almost four years of being unable to. As you can imagine, the past couple months, there's been a lot of what-should-I-do-about-money and I'm-trying-to-get-in-touch-with-old-teachers and how-will-I-ever-get-back-into-shape? and OH-MY-GOSH-IS-THIS-REAL-LIFE!? A lovely swirl of emotions, but also confusing and a little scary and-- yeah. You get the picture.

Now that I'm a high school graduate (whoot!) and the stress of tests and classes is buried with triumph and relief in my past (for now...), I think I've finally absorbed the fact that I can really dance again. It only took me four months. *cough*

Long story short, I connected with an old teacher and am (almost) set up to take private lessons with her (experienced) daughter. Private. Lessons. That's interchangeable with "dream come true" in my life. They're offering me an amazing price that's sensitive to my budget, and are ready to work with me to get my body back into shape. 

There really aren't words.

My phone conversation with Ex-Dance-Teacher took about 48 hours to really sink in, and it's only this afternoon that I've sat scrolling through pictures of pointe shoes and grinning my face off. Because I can't believe I'm going to dance again.

Everything's so tentative yet as far as my plans and how long this will go on. And money is still something of an issue, so there's definitely lots more working in my future if I want to chase this dream. But chase I will. 

It's going to be wonderful. I can feel it.

Ehh. Now I feel all emotional. I want to thank you all for your excitement and encouragement and support in the past-- especially you, Twin. Whether you all know it or not, the things you've said to me through chat boxes, comments, and the Write On! forums have all uplifted or encouraged me in one way or another during this process of waiting-to and now getting-back-into dance. It all means more to me than I can express, even as a writer.

Have wonderful Mondays, everyone! Enjoy the little things in life tonight; they're what give depth and richness to life.

Best part of today: Making plans to dance again.
Currently craving: Exercise! (I know, right? I think it's weird, too.)
Music pick: "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy
I'm reading: "Mistborn Book #1" by Brandon Sanderson
WIP: AQUEOUS revisions + plotting TITLE-LESS + drafting SURVIVAL (not simultaneously, but rather in a disorganized fashion working on all 3, slowly)

Sewing and Paddling

Hello darlings. I got a bit of chewing out from Twin dear for not posting while she was on vacation... *cough* >.> So I thought I should probably post before I go off and vanish from the face of the internet earth for two weeks. So here I am!


Anyway. I told you last time that I have taken up sewing. Well, I thought I would share what I've made.

This is a pillowcase I sewed for my friend Bennett. 

And the other side.

He is Canadian. I found great amusement in giving him such an American present. *grin*


Here is my first clothing item:

It's actually a tablecloth––saved me having to hem it––and I just cut a hole in the middle and added a waistband, basically. Very simple! And very happifying. It swishes. Which you obviously can't see in this lame photo.


Anyway. I've made a few other things (a bag I LOVE and a blouse I don't) but I do not have pictures of those. But yeah. I enjoy sewing. ^_^


I want to hear how all you darling people are, even though I am leaving and won't see or manage to respond until I return. I'm going on a canoeing trip! In Minnesota! In border waters! HOW EXCITING. Contrary to popular belief, I won't get eaten by bears. Just mosquitos.


Twin Moment of the Day: Vacation time!
Reading: "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge
Listening to: "Memory" from the Cats musical by Andrew Lloyd Weber
Grateful for: R&R from work.
Wanting: Some time to actually relax
Writing: Guilt

Leavin' planet earth!

Just kidding! But my vacation starts today and thus I won't be online at all. I've really needed this opportunity to unplug, and I intend to enjoy every moment of it.

See you all in a week or so!

5 Free NaNo books!

I've done it. *headdesk* I payed $5 shipping to have 5 once-edited (poorly structured, plotless, etc.) copies of my NaNo book sent to my doorstep. Honestly, I'm not sure why I did it except out of curiosity, hating to turn away anything free, and the decision that I should have some kind of physical proof of my first NaNoWriMo experience ever.

I wrote on the last page "May this bring laughs well into the future." And it's a play on words since ... well, it's about a girl. Who sees the future. Aren't I clever?

So, enjoy the prettiness! Because I do think they're pretty. And even if I never read them again (aside from the occasional skim-and-cringe fest) I will enjoy looking at them, that's for sure.

And yes, I blacked out my last name because... well. We've been through that.

FYI, there is, and may never be, a "Seer Trilogy" -- I just needed to fill that space, and thought it looked cool. 

Can you imagine when this is the real deal!? *dreaming*

Er, I should probably get it off CreateSpace now... *wary look at barcode*

That's it! Just a quick little burst of mid-week excitement. Well, almost mid-week. I can dream.

Best part of today: Five free books!! Or my new, ultra-bright striped socks...
Currently craving: Ice cream. (Hear that with a mournful tone...)
Music pick: "Sunset Glow" by BigBang
I'm reading: "Incarnate" by Jodi Meadows
WIP: Preparing to revise Aqueous (all other projects ON HOLD!)


*NOTE: I've decided to schedule this to post tomorrow, since Constance just posted this afternoon. So it was written and intended to be read on a Tuesday, but you won't see it 'till Wednesday.