The Strength to Share

This post is kind of about me, personally, and my writing journey. In particular, something I struggle with, and often stands between me and growing as a writer, I think. As I just announced the winner of a first-chapter-plus-query-letter critique over on Write On!, it got me thinking about critiques in general, and how I am -- wait for it -- afraid to share my work.

Not afraid to be critiqued, mind you. Official critiques, I'm okay with. I've been toughening my skin for years, thanks to some really important people in my writing life. While it'd be lying to say that it doesn't hurt anymore for me to hear that my character is unlikeable or my story is plotless -- I've had my fair share of pouting and discouragement, for sure! -- I will say that I've come a very long way. The prospect of having my work torn to shreds doesn't really daunt me.

Or does it?

Because here I am, facing this problem: I don't share my work. Can't. Won't. If you ask me: "Oooh, when will you be done? Can I be first to read it!?" I'll probably hem and haw some noncommittal answer, and you'll probably never see a paragraph.

I do realize this is a problem. And I've given it lots of thought.


Why don't I want to? 


Why is it so hard?

While digging around in my thoughts and actions, I've come up with this answer: It's not that I'm afraid of critique, necessarily, but rather, I'm afraid of a label. In particular, a "this is the best she can do" label. A sort of rejection, if you will. I don't want you to look at my work, today, and judge that as the best I can do. Because, whether it actually is or isn't, for whatever reason, I'm anxious to prove to you that it's NOT. That I will do better next time. Can do better. Simply must do better.

So just wait 'till next time, I say. Wait until the next novel. It will be good enough for you to read, then.

Of course, it never is. No sooner am I done with the next novel, I'm also in a hurry to bury it in a drawer somewhere and guard it, so not a word escapes.

This is my predicament, and it bothers me. I want to have a tough skin, in the sense that I can finish a manuscript and simply let a friend read it-- no big deal, right? I want to be able to let anyone read my work, faults or no, and trust that they'll understand I'm a learning, growing writer. We all are, after all. J.K. Rowling is still learning. Suzanne Collins is still learning. I sincerely hope that Stephenie Meyer is learning-- a lot. *cough* (Couldn't resist.)

Which brings me to the part where I implore for your advice and thoughts. What do you suggest I should do to kick myself out of this stuck place? Should I just send people my work without a second though, and be vulnerable? Let me know in the comments. We have tea, hot chocolate and big squooshy chairs down there. You should stay a while.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Best part of today: The cool morning!
Currently craving: A coffee-based drink.
Music pick: "Love" by Im Jae Bum
I'm reading: "Chocolat" by Joanne Harris
WIP: Drafting Survival (16,068 words)

Back in the swing of things

Ohhh my. I haven't blogged in so long. But it's okay, because here I am today, ready to share some stuff that's been going on in my reading/writing life and to ask about you and yours.

So. Here goes.

I'm writing again! Or I should say, drafting again. After trying and trying to get on the ball with Aqueous revisions, I just wasn't feeling it. You may or may not understand or work like this, but sometimes there are Other Stories just pressing on your mind, and no matter how hard you try to finish one thing, it's not where your heart is, so you might as well save yourself the time and energy and just GO WITH IT.

It was one of those situations. Aqueous is wonderful and I'll polish it one day, but that day is not today. And the story responsible for my distraction is -- surprisingly -- a YA adventure survival story. For someone who writes mostly fantasy/sci-fi, this is an unusual direction to go in, but I'm actually doing happy dances of excitement over it. (I guess that's kinda obvious since it distracted me from Aqueous.)

Yay for writing!

The other thing I wanted to talk about is the book I'm reading. "Chocolat" by Joanne Harris. Any of you seen the Johnny-Depp-starring movie that's so mouth-watering you should never watch it without a box of truffles in hand? Well, I didn't realize 'till a couple days ago, while perusing the library, that the movie is actually based off of a novel. And I was horrified, because I watched the movie first without even knowing. Some writer I am!

Anyway. I've really been enjoying it! So far it's proven to be just as sumptuous as the movie. I would recommend it if you want a delicious, satisfying read. (Of course, that may change when I finish it. I might really hate the ending. Who knows?)

So! This is the part where you tell me what you've been up to. What are you working on? What are you reading? How's your summer (or, er, winter...) going? And what are some ways I could motivate myself to blog more often? 'Cause it's just not happening.

Have marvelous Mondays, everyone!

Best part of today: The hot chocolate I'm about to make. (Ha!)
Currently craving: Chocolate, chocolate chocolate.
Music pick: "What's New" by Marian McPartland
I'm reading: "Chocolat" by Joanne Harris
WIP: drafting Survival (9,109 words)

Kinda been forever...

Wow. I've really, really dropped the ball on blogging lately. My excuse is life-- it happens, and it gets busy, right when you don't need it to. And, of course, there's laziness, too. That tends to get in the way more often than I'd like.

Since I don't have much to blog about, and it's been a while since we've talked, anyway, I'll just fire a bunch of questions at you!

How are you? What's new in your life? What have you been up to? Any new, awesome posts on your blog that I haven't yet read/commented on?

Share away!

Hopefully I'll have something more interesting for you guys soon.