Christmas Knitting

So Christmas is long-since gone, but...we'll ignore that fact. These are pictures of the things I knit for people for Christmas. ^_^

Doctor Who TARDIS laptop case for André

My friend André is a huge Doctor Who fan(proof: he bought a trench coat that looked like the Doctor's. Yeah.) and so when I saw this TARDIS Kindle case pattern, I had to make it for him. Of course, it took a lot of restarts, because I had to adjust the pattern so it would be laptop-sized and I was just going hit-and-miss until I found the right size.

Also, I hate embroidering letters with a fiery, fiery passion. I think it was the worst part about the whole thing. Grr. But aside from that, it was a fun pattern, and not actually that hard. It's my first encounter with two-color knitting...which, considering, went pretty well.

Cush pillowcase for Maggie

This was so. Much. Fun. Seriously, when I was done, I considered keeping it, because it's so soft and chunky, and put in the pillow and it's so soft and amazing and––I love it. It's really hard to see the pattern on the case in this picture, but it's there. This pattern is SO keeper.

Scarf for Taryn

This scarf used up the rest of the gosh-awf––lovely yellow yarn I used for Taryn's hat, and was ridiculously easy. Not very thick, but then, the yarn wasn't very thick. Easily remedied if I ever make it again.

Mug Cover for Renée
Ft. Link Action Figure from Zelda

Mug Cover for Amanda
aka, "Button, O Button"

These two were...interesting. The mugs were the slanty-type, so I had to add the strap above the handle so it wouldn't be stupid. These are wonderful 'cause they can be used for other mugs, and they are wonderful for allowing you to hold the cup of tea/coffee/hot chocolate when it is steaming. This is another pattern I'll keep. One of these days I'll make myself one and my hand-burning tea days will be over! Muahahaha!

That's it. I did knit my brother a stocking, because he tried to..."claim" mine. O_o And I gave my sister a hat(another pattern I love so it will probably appear again) but it was technically for her birthday, not Christmas. And I didn't manage a picture. Alas.

How about you? How go non-writing/non-school hobbies?

Twin Moment of the Day: She is on a plane now...and I was on a plane recently? (Yeah, I know, that's stretching it.) 

On my Mind: The chocolate in my drawer...

Listening to: "For You" by Angus and Julia Stone

Grateful for: Saturday!!

Wanting to: make tea

Writing: Defiance

Novels and Self-Esteem

I'm writing today to observe my recent (and very delayed) revelation that there is such a thing as writers-esteem. Or the self-esteem of writers regarding their work, ideas, and way of putting words together.

I will start out by saying that I have low writers-esteem. I get new ideas, and I'm SO excited about them, but then I'm reluctant to share them with anyone. Not only would that open me up to rejection (which is an issue in itself) but my low writers-esteem will trip me up before I even begin speaking. The comparing begins:

You know, I'll bet-- no, I KNOW this idea's been done before!

This is so un-original.

Wow, this is actually DUMB.

This person's going to hate it.

Man. Why can't I ever think of cool stuff?

Lately, I'm in the process of learning to ignore these pesky little voices, and just tell my ideas anyway. But because of my low writers-esteem, every little less-than-as-excited-as-I-am reaction will just "confirm" what I'm already believing about myself. Which is, in short, that nothing I write or come up with could possibly be as good or original or creative or captivating as those successes out there-- Hunger Games, Harry Potter, etc. It's teenage girl syndrome, novel-writing style! "I'll never be prettiest." "I'm so dumb." "I'm not good enough." You've all heard or experienced it before.

But the thing about it is? Like all esteem issues, it's born out of one thing: comparison. Comparison stems a stream of lies, and the lies are fed by the seeds of doubt that're already buried somewhere in every writer, and one thing just leads to another. 

So. I've talked myself into a corner. There's such a thing as low writers-esteem, but how can it be fixed? How can you talk yourself out of that rut? How can you escape from the net you've woven yourself into?

The answer that applies to regular self-esteem issues, I believe, absolutely applies to this, too. 

Pick yourself up. Stop listening to the lies. Learn to distinguish between good criticism and honesty meant to build you up and things that just AREN'T TRUE, either because the person's hateful/stupid/mean-spirited, or because you assumed something that came from your own mind. Practice holding your head high and saying: "This is my idea. I LOVE it. It's awesome. And know what I'm doing? I'M WRITING IT. And I'm pretty sure others will love it, too. Because this is definitely a book I'D read."

Okay, maybe you can cut down on the cockiness. But you see where I'm going with this? Having low writers-esteem is just like shooting yourself in the foot. (Excuse the cliche.) It's time to stop believing those lies, and start believing what I believe about all of you (writers)-- you EACH have a unique, special story inside that only you can give to the world. And if you don't let it out, there is no one else to do it for you. It's worth your time. It's worth the agony, rejection, pain, and long days in the Land of Doubt. It's so, so, SO worth it.

Okay. Time for me to stop having a moment, and get something productive done. For the comments, have you dealt with writers-esteem issues? How did you/do you deal with it?

Best Part of Today: Tea.
Currently Craving: Chocolate. Doesn't matter in what form-- liquid, solid, truffle-shaped. Just CHOCOLATE.
Music Pick: "Love" by Matt White

I'm Reading: "Gathering Blue" by Lois Lowry

WIP: Aqueous (40,063 words)

The Trip

In lieu of pictures of Twin, since she is still partly anon, you can have the very first picture I took, on our walk to the grocery store.

So, I admit, I totally wanted to do a post while I was with Twin and be all, "We are TOGETHER!" But that failed. I was entirely too busy being with Twin.

I had so much fun with her, guys. She's pretty much just as amazing in real life, which makes her WAY AWESOME.

We rewatched all three Lord of The Ring movies, extended versions, and we agree that neither of us like Frodo, not even one bit. Sam's the real hero. <3<3<3
We went on lovely walks, and drank delicious tea, and even wrote a bit. We painted our nails (mine are colorful! :D) and listened to music we both loved. We made chocolate truffles, and attempted chocolate sauce twice with varying success. We read the same book at the same time. (That was an accident, but interesting.)

After the first awkward moment where her siblings all stared at me, I got along with her family famously. Her little sister, Molly, even declared that she loved me, and wanted to be my best friend. I have the picture she drew and "home steeple" to prove it.

Don't I look mysterious?

One of my favorite moments––which is an inaccurate statement, because the whole trip was my favorite moment––was right at the beginning. When I arrived at the airport, I called Maggie and told her I was there, then I pulled on a lovely hat and my "fake glasses"(reading glasses from the dollar store with the lenses popped out) before heading to the baggage claim. As soon as I saw her and her mom, sitting, I forced myself to keep my eyes off them, and I slowly walked behind the pillar closest to them. It was all I could do to not squeal and launch myself at her. Or collapse on the floor, because my legs go cooked-noodle when I'm nervous, and I was so so so so nervous. Once behind the pillar, I took a moment to not have a meltdown, drew a deep, not-as-calming-as-I-could-hope breath, and walked around behind their seats. I was sure they would see me and Maggie would instantly know it was me.
At least, until I grabbed her shoulders and made her jump.
I am quite proud of myself for successfully sneaking up on her.
Her? Not so much. She was a little ticked.

Another favorite moment was when I went to the bookstore with Maggie, her mom, and her sister. This may not seem so big to you guys, but I've never gone to the bookstore with like-minded readers. It was thrilling. I bought a beautiful copy of Beth Revis's A Million Suns. It's quite lovely. *admires*

So many other things happened. I had balance difficulties once or twice. (In my defense, sliding across hardwood floors in socks is the funnest thing EVER.) We went spelunking. (spelunking = my new love in life <3) I actually finished a pair of fingerless mitts for myself (those in the above photo) and I'm very pleased with them. They fit and they're wonderful and they make me happy. *^_^*

The best of the best, though, was undoubtedly talking to Maggie face to face. Just...being in the same room as her. Knowing beyond doubt she's not a figment of my imagination or––as several family members have suggested––a creepy old man.

But now I'm back in Texas, and aside from being forgotten at the airport, I'm safe and sound. I've just begun the unpacking process, which is the real sign that my trip is over. *tear*

The trip was a blessing. Maggie is wonderful, and her family is unbelievably kind. I admit I was so sad I had to leave that I shed tears while waiting for my plane.

Now back to school and work and daily life. I'm glad to be back home, but I definitely can't wait 'til I get to see Maggie Twin again.

An Old Year and A New Year

I've been overdue for one of these posts, with everyone else is writing them around me, but I'm a firm believer in "better late than never." So, without further ado, here it is! Late, but still very much accurate.

2011. Where do I even start?

I entered 2011 hopeful. The year before had been pretty much crappy, and I was really looking forward to turning things around in my life and taking control. Long story short, as most of you probably know, I have scoliosis. I went to see my spine Dr. in November of 2010 for my yearly visit (he happens to be out of state, which is just plain sad.) My dad had mentioned, and I knew he was serious, that this was going to be the last visit. And no kidding! I wasn't taking the treatment seriously. There are a lot of exercises and time involved, and 100% commitment to the regime is absolutely necessary if you want any positive results. After almost 3 years, I just wasn't doing it, hence the"last visit." But this time was different; something changed in me, and I decided it was time to take it seriously, and get fixing my spine. This was when the biggest challenge I faced last year began.

My first goal was to hit 90 days straight of faithfully doing the routine. I'd learned that every day I skipped would set me back 50% or more in my progress. For those first 90 days it was an inward battle of whether or not I should continue, or even if I could. I wasn't sure if I was capable of committing to this -- or anything, really -- or even why I should bother. [Quick note: My motivation for this is to continue dancing one day. I danced for 7 years and had to stop because of my spine.] During this time of being unsure of myself and my abilities, coupled with spending 4+ hours per day on my spine and a sudden explosion of everything I ever thought was true about myself, there wasn't much "fun" to keep me going. This is where writing comes in. And even more surprisingly, Write On!.

I joined the Write On! team (thank you, Authoress!) in early February 2011, when the site was brand, brand new. I was absolutely psyched about it. A site and forum just for teen writers that I get to help run? SO. THERE. This also came during a season of being lonely, in a sense. I'd just pulled myself out of some not-so-pretty relationships, and I was really wanting ... well, friends. Honest, dependable, awesome friends who would really be there for me. The last place I would have guessed I'd find them was online.

Surprise, surprise.

I "met" some of my favorite people ever in the year 2011, and I continue to be amazed by the internet and what it's capable of doing, and the people you're able to meet because of it. I'll admit to turning my nose up at those with "online friends" in the past. I've been slapped in the face, and well deserved! You guys at Write On! are so awesome there aren't words. And I'm just going to stop there or this will become an emotional gush instead of a blog post.

Similarly, Write On! (more specifically the people there) helped to renew my enthusiasm for writing itself, which served as an anchor for me during those first 90 days. I've always treasured "The Zone" (that place you disappear to when you're REALLY in to writing?), but never so much as at the end of a lousy day of spine-straightening. And the teens at Write On! were there to cheer me on and forward, providing motivation and encouragement where I needed it. I will happily credit the 2 novels I completed in the span of 6 months to everyone over there on the forums and in my Adium box. I'm not sure I would have done it without them.

So, if you haven't got the idea by now, Write On! (and writing in general) played a huge part in my year.

To finish my spine story, I did pass 90 days, with flying colors, and plodded on through the summer. 100 days was a celebration, then came 200 days, then 300, and then the awesome 365 days, which I just hit this autumn. During the year I really learned the importance of commitment, in every area of your life, and what it means to be dedicated and unwavering. I learned an invaluable lesson, through my spine stuff, about never giving up. And I can take that into any other area of my life. Writing, dancing, working, motherhood-- anything I want to do. It was a year of growing pains of all kinds, new friendships, overcoming obstacles, and seeing life through new eyes.

Now, here we are facing another year. It's currently Day 409 of my spine rehab, I just got a job (see earlier post), I'm working on a novel I'm head over heels in love with, anticipating the visit of one of the awesome Write On! teens (who just happens to be Constance), and generally excited about life. I will turn 18 this year, which means insurance and other such bills to pay-- no small thing. I'll be tackling my first ACT test(s) and getting my drivers license. There's a lot to look forward to, and a lot to conquer.

Bring it on.

What I hope for this year is that I continue to grow. I want to change and I want to change things around me, for the better. I want to write many more novels and send my first query letter. I want to read more and spend more time with my family. I want to meet new people, figure out what I want to do about college, and KILL that ACT score.

I did originally plan to write my resolutions list-like, but I kind of just summed them up in the paragraph above. I will, anyway, just for you list fans like myself. And also so I can cross them off throughout the year.

Now it's YOUR turn! If you've blogged about your resolutions or the new year, do post the link below. I'd love to read it. Or just shower the comment box with your hopes and dreams for the coming year, and what you learned last year.

Thank you for reading! From the bottom of my heart. Here's wishing you a magical new year!

MY 2012 RESOLUTIONS:

• Grow as a person
• Grow closer to God
• Send my first query letter
• Finish at least 2 novels
• Read at least 30 books (bare minimum)
• Make new friends and meet new people
• Forgive more
• Catch someone off-guard with a surprise present
• Get a decent score on my ACT
• Get my drivers license
• Tour at least one college campus
• Ride my bike more
• Spend more time with my family
• Pray every single day
• Spend much more time around the horses
• Re-watch all 3 Lord of the Rings movies
• Continue to straighten my spine
• Get an iPod touch / iPhone (haven't decided)

I was very tempted to stick "buy a car" on there, but I'm not so sure that'll happen.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

iPods, Visits, and Jobs

I apologize ahead of time for the randomness of this post, but I have a few things to unload, all positive, and one with a question attached. I'll just start with the biggest.

CONSTANCE ARRIVES IN TWO DAYS. She'll be here Thursday night. "Excitement" doesn't do how I'm feeling justice. I. Can't. Wait. I mean, she's my twin. And she's awesome. She's also the one who spent all the money on the plane ticket. I hope that I can make up for it by feeding her yummy food and taking her cool places.

Second, and almost equally exciting, is that I just landed a job. After lots of waiting and praying and jumping on opportunities, I'm in at the place I've wanted to work at from the start. I start training next week. It's kind of like living a dream. (Okay, slight exaggeration. Though maybe not. I really, really did want this.)

And finally, you're probably wondering what the iPod bit is about in the title. Well, here goes. I've had my heart set on having an iPod touch for the past couple of weeks now. After learning some of its features, and hearing other people (*cough*Constance*cough*) talk about theirs, I gave in to my underlying technology addiction and I'm now pretty much obsessed with the idea.

One tiny problem.

I really don't like spending money. I would be happy to squirrel away every dime for the rest of my life. Okay, there is the exception of giving it away; I love to buy other people things. So, modified: I really don't like spending money on myself. If I were to buy a gadget or a piece of technology that falls into the Costs-Hundreds-Of-Dollars category, for myself, it would have to be a computer. Or a phone. Or something useful like that.

I'm not sure an iPod fits the 'useful' bill.

Try to refrain from smart comments.

Thus, I was thinking maybe I should invest instead in an iPhone. When I turn eighteen I'm going to want my own phone anyway, since I'm sharing with my sister at the moment. As I'm a devout Apple follower, the iPhone seems like the natural thing to do. Plus it does have a music/iPod feature. And YouTube. And Facebook. And anything else I need to properly waste my time.

All that to say, I need some advice! Do you have an iPod touch or an iPhone? Would you say one is better than the other? Any advice on what NOT to buy? I'll totally listen.

That's all for today! For the comments, what's new in your life? Talk to me. It's been a while.

Best Part of Today: So far, planning for Constance's visit.
Currently Craving: A walk through a wheat field.
Music Pick: "Oceans" by Evanescence
I'm Reading: "Hourglass" by Myra McEntire

WIP: Aqueous (29,675 words)