I think the title just about sums it up.
Life's been a bit rocky lately. I'm not sure when it isn't during the teen years, but in particular I've been feeling some of the not-so-pleasant sides of being 17. Maybe it's just me as a 17-year-old. Maybe not. All I know is I'm ready for it to be gone, or resolved, or... something.
I'm restless. I feel like a young bird just teetering on the edge of the nest. There's a long drop below, but blue skies ahead. Some days I feel ready to just jump out and fly, to get on with my life! Then others I'm not sure if I'm ready. Am I mature enough? Would that be stupid? Do I have the funds? The support? What do I want to do? What's the direction God's leading me in?
It's frightening. It's bittersweet. It's exciting. Exhilarating. Tempting. Sad. So many things. And honestly, it doesn't help to be female. Because let's face it, being a girl is just hard, period.
When I close my eyes and ask myself what I see in the future -- my life's future -- my answers change almost every day. There are the concrete facts; I will be writing, I'll be a mommy, I'll have a blue Toyota Corolla. And then there are the ones that hang in the air. Some days I'll be going to college. Others I'll be dancing, and choreographing my own Nutcracker show. And still others, on those gray, rainy days, I'm stuck in a job I hate, living a life I know I never want to. Keep in mind those are specifically on gray, rainy days. It never lasts long. I'm all about reaching for the stars, really.
I know in time, I'll do all the things I want to. I have a firm mind to. But what about now?
I'm not really sure what I'm wanting to get out of this post. Maybe I just wanted to share. Maybe I'd like some advice. I'll take anything.
If you've been through this, does it get better? What did you do? I can't afford to travel or to start horseback riding classes (which somehow feels like it would help). I can't afford to do much except work, write, and enjoy life as I can.
Okay. Here's an especially happy fill-out to lighten up the tone of this post. Thank you for reading. Hopefully I'll be more sparkly next time.
Oh! And it's official. I've ditched my anonymous name (much as I love it!) for my real one. Making the change from "Lizzy" to "Maggie" all over the internet is harder than you'd think.
Best Part of Today: The rain!! It's been SO dry.
Currently Craving: Change.
Music Pick: "Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble (He fixes EVERYTHING!)
I'm Reading: "The Near Witch" by Victoria Schwab
WATM: To Save Them (11,401 words) + new idea... don't ask
Whispering Into the Void
5 days ago